In the morning, when I rise
Give Me Jesus
When I, am alone
Give Me Jesus
When I, come to die
Give Me Jesus
You can have, all this world
Give Me Jesus
Venting?? on tumblr? I feel like a girl. But it’s good to type what I’m feeling
My relationship with God is fine. I recognize him as my Lord Savior. My walk is lovely. I love worship and I love church. But lately I’ve been re-living the past. The year 2010 was a time of great fun. Senior Year, College, path to adulthood. Ever since I was baptised on March 8th, 2009. I just look for things I have in store for what God will bring me. Jan was fantastic! My birthday was lovely with all my friends and I just felt God’s love around me. Prom was fun too! I have a fun time and had a wonderful date. Then I just felt like Job.
June 11 My Grandma Passed away
June 16 I didn’t walk for graduation
Summer overall: Problem with friends
August 3 My mother told me she had cancer
Was God testing me?
At that time, my faith was alive and I trusted God every step of the way.
In the book of Job, God blessed Job in the later part of his life with a wonderful wife, abundance of cattle, and beautiful daughters. Where is my blessed part? Is it coming later?
I’ve been known for a person that has a listening ear. I listen to people’s problems and I try in any way to help. Why do you guys ask me about relationship problems. I’ve never known what its like to be loved by someone. Sure my parents do that but significant other? Never. Sometimes I had people like me but lost interest. Where did I go wrong? Was it something or how I act? I hate love. Love is described as something wonderful and uplifting but all I felt from it was sharp pain and throbbing of the heart. I have problems, I always wish I can have someone to hug everyday, someone to hold, and have someone to use this heart for.
Spiritually, I have God’s love. He blessed me with a wonderful life, wonderful friends, and a wonderful family. Yet I yearn for that earthly love as well. My grandma was someone who’s love was so great that it is greater than the love everyone has showed me combined. Ever since she left, My heart has a big hole in it.
Church isn’t really helping me. Church use to be a place where I can worship God and learn more about him, now it’s just a distraction. I don’t know who my friends are anymore and I feel I can’t trust anyone anymore. Usually I would have an answer to my problems but this time I don’t. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what my problem is. All I know is I’m the problem. But how do I fix something I don’t know what the problem is. Church is lonely, school is lonely, I just wish I lived a different life.
But there is a reason why God gave me this life. I just need to get my mind out of the negative side. Really just push myself to be a better person. Though these days were bleak, I can see a blessing in my mind. Question is will it deliver? Prob Not. Seems unlikely. Fear of rejection again holds me in. Move Along right?
The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
I have a true friend. He was always there in high school for me and was with me everyday. He stuck by me when I didn’t do homework and not doing devos. What’s this name you say? Procrastination. and I HATE HIM. I actually should be doing homework instead of this tumblr post. BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hooray!! Finally 19. Nothing special haha!!
So these past couple weeks have been hell. Everyday about 3 hours of sleep, working on projects. After today I have 5 and I have 3 classes which makes no sense….
School is a place of torture.
ANYWHO!
what im trying to says is after you guys said to me the birthday wishes, it made me really happy!! Basically I haven’t smiled like that in a long time and I’m really truly happy with how my life is and my friends that love me so much. God has given me a blessed life and blessed me with wonderful friends like you. The fact that you guys said wished me a happy birthday proves that God is really watching over me.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I will cherish the bond we hold forever and ever. Thank you!!
Hurray its the year 2011!!
New year means a new sense of change for the better
My New Year’s Resolution is..
1. Go on more mission trips!!
2. Be more social at school, say hello to those in your class
3. Read Devos/Pray more.
4. Bring people to church for Kairos.
5. Think before you act! Treat others equally! No one is inferior under God’s eyes so no one is inferior under my eyes.
6. Focus and do good on school. 4.0 goal go!
7. Stop Procrastinating!!!
8. I’ll think of more later.
That is all.
These past days people I’ve known have been struggling with relationships, schoolwork, and struggling faith.I just want everyone to know that your problems and burdens are always better to take care of with God and friends. You may think that you can handle it yourself but you’re blind. You will struggle more and more. God has sent your friends to make sure you’re okay because you are too prideful to let them help. Whenever you fall your friends are there to help you up! Just know that you are not alone in taking care of these problems and if anyone needs an ear. That’s me!! (: Please take care of yourself you guys!
So this past weekend was our Church’s 30 hour famine.
30 hour famine is a time where we feel the hunger other people
in the world have to deal with and not eat for 30 hours. This year we focused on a country called Ethiopia located on the top right of Africa. Stories I’ve heard is that people would have to travel for hours to get to a watering hole and then come back. Also, medical supplies are limited and the living condition there makes us feel like Paris Hilton. With shelter that consists of rocks and mud and striving to find food everyday, they have it pretty hard. I mean I only did it for 30 hours and I have to say its pretty brutal. So I began on Friday at 1:15 around when lunch starts for us. After three hours I was already hungry haha! With worship and games to help us get a feel of what they go through and important lessons we learn, it definately kept my stomach occupied. Saturday we had a car wash where we raised quite a sum of money. Then we have to walk to Stater Bros to get a feel of how the Ethiopians had to walk to get food, and then come back carrying the food. Overall it was a great experience.
In Isaiah 58, it tells us what true fasting is. Not just to stop eating for an ammount of time, but to give your food to those that need it along with prayer.
I enjoy 30 hour famine and I love my church family.
and yes, I survived.
